


That we would choose love

by wordlocker



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:12:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4922719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordlocker/pseuds/wordlocker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hongbin is about to give in to the arranged marriage when he discovers that Wonshik isn’t a total nightmare, only to find himself falling for his fiance’s best friend instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That we would choose love

Hongbin used to think that Hakyeon’s laughter is one of the most wonderful sounds he’s ever heard. He’s beginning to think he should revise that opinion.

“Can you please stop laughing? I’m in the middle of a crisis over here!”

Hakyeon’s still bent at the waist, wheezing. He makes a show of wiping off tears from his eyes and finally looks at Hong Bin, an amused tilt to his lips. “I’m sorry, but it’s not every day your friend comes by to tell you that he’s been forced into a marriage with a crown prince and asking for help. I mean, it’s freaking two thousand and fifteen.”

Hongbin scowls. “He’s not a prince. His family owns an entertainment company.”

“One of the most successful in the whole country, if not the region,” Hakyeon points out.

“That doesn’t matter to me.”

“Maybe not, but have you _seen_ your fiancé? He’s dashing.”

“Of course I’ve seen him,” Hongbin huffs. The first time his mom broke the news of the arranged marriage, the first thought that crossed Hongbin’s mind was the VE billboards all over town and the face frequently popping up in the news with the words _President, VIXX Entertainment_ emblazoned beneath. “It’s just that – I can’t do this, hyung. I’ve only ever imagined marrying someone I love, not some stranger. Celebrity or otherwise.”

“Ah, the forever romantic Hongbin,” Hakyeon tsks. “I’ve only ever imagined marrying Seohyun from Girl’s Generation. Does that mean it’s ever going to happen? No.”

“That’s because you’re a giant dweeb,” comes a deep voice from under the reception desk.

Hakyeon automatically reaches down and knocks the part of Sanghyuk’s head that’s visible, earning him a squawk of protest. “What I’m trying to say is,” he continues, “You’ve got to take this thing one step at a time. Go and meet him. Don’t let him be a stranger. Get to know him and maybe you _will_ be marrying someone you love, who knows?”

Sanghyuk makes an impressed _oh_ sound and gets hit in the head again anyway. Hongbin supposes his life probably won’t be as bad as Sanghyuk’s, the poor kid, and decides to take Hakyeon’s advice.

 

.

 

If there’s one thing Hongbin’s grateful for is the fact that his parents didn’t suggest to introduce him to Kim Wonshik at an awkward family dinner. All things considered, though, meeting for the first time at the guy’s lavish office-slash-recording studio doesn’t exactly make him feel comfortable either. He’d called last week to arrange a time and place, and Wonshik sheepishly explained that he was in the middle of producing an album and asked politely if Hongbin would mind meeting him at their building instead.

A guy in an oversized hoodie escorts him from the entrance all the way to the studio, leaving him standing in front of a door that says RECORDING STUDIO A. Taking a deep breath, he knocks and enters when he’s asked to, heart pounding in his chest.

Kim Wonshik has been appearing on every media possible since his father passed him the reins last year, so Hongbin’s seen his face a lot. He seems much gentler in person, the warm smile on his handsome face making him look more approachable. They both introduce themselves and shake hands before Wonshik ushers him to sit on the empty couch at the corner.

“Sorry we had to meet here.”

Hongbin smiles easily. “It’s fine. I really don’t mind.”

Wonshik leans back in his swivel chair. “You’re even more attractive in person. I didn’t think that would be possible.”

Hongbin’s face heats up. “Ah, thank you.”

Wonshik clears his throat, readjusting his seat. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “I’m pretty blunt. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t,” Hongbin assures him. “I’m just bad at taking compliments.”

“So what do you make of this whole arranged marriage thing?”

Blunt and focused – Hongbin’s starting to like this guy already. “Honestly, I don’t really know how to feel. It’s too sudden and kind of huge.”

“I know, right?” Wonshik sighs. “I’ve been expecting to run the company since I was a kid, but this was such a shock to me. Not in a particularly bad way, of course,” he’s quick to add.

“When my parents told me I thought they were playing a prank on me. I mean, surely it couldn’t have been _the_ Kim Wonshik,” Hongbin confesses. 

“Ah, but the only other Kim Wonshik in Korea is probably ninety years old, so it’s a safe bet it was me.”

Hongbin laughs at that, rather surprised at how much he’s enjoying their conversation. 

“Can I be straight with you?” Wonshik asks, forehead bunched up in worry.

Hongbin nods. “Of course.”

“You’re, like, the hottest guy I’ve ever met,” Wonshik blurts, visibly blushing. Hongbin’s much too dumbstruck to respond so he keeps going. “But, honestly, I don’t know if I want to get married, y’know, right away. Or…you know, with you.”

All at once, Hongbin feels himself breathing in relief. He’s certain Wonshik is a great person and they might even like each other a lot after some time, but to jump right into marriage is a bit too much to handle.

“I mean, I’m sure you’re an awesome guy,” Wonshik adds hurriedly.

“I understand,” Hongbin interjects. “I don’t think I’m ready either.”

“I feel like it’s high time for me to do something I really want, making music and traveling. I’m not completely rejecting the idea, I’m just saying not now.”

Hongbin smiles. “I’m glad we’re on the same page. So, we’re…postponing the whole thing?”

“Getting to know each other better,” Wonshik agrees, nodding. “We can certainly hang out, have good food, and listen to music together. If you want.”

“Of course. I like music.”

That’s when Hongbin notices the song playing softly in the background. Appealing melody, interesting beats, and a silken honey voice above it all, catching his full attention.

“It’s a song I’m producing,” Wonshik’s voice breaks through Hongbin’s reverie. “This is the demo.”

“New artist?” Hongbin asks curiously, still rapt in the lilting tone.

“My friend,” Wonshik explains. “He basically does all my demo for me.”

“He’s not a singer?”

“Not yet, so I’m totally milking him as much as I can while I’m still allowed. Amazing voice, huh?”

Hongbin can only nod, but the sound of it is already stuck in his head, a faceless person serenading him on loop.

 

.

 

It’s late, and Hongbin’s starving. He regrets deciding not to drive this morning because his entire body aches and not one taxi is stopping for him. Through the haze in his mind, he recalls that his friends’ house is only a couple of blocks away. He presses speed dial 3 and waits for an answer.

“Oh, Bin. What’s up?” Hakyeon greets him. 

Hongbin pitches his voice up, knowing Hakyeon will fall for the aegyo act undoubtedly. “Hyung, I’m hungry and too tired to go home. Can I have dinner with you guys?”

Hakyeon grumbles, but Hongbin knows he’s already giving in. “Look at this rich brat acting like a poor college student.”

“C’mon, hyung,” Hongbin whines. “I miss you guys’ cooking.”

“Fine,” Hakyeon sighs, then yells off the phone, “Hongbinnie’s coming to dinner, Taekwoon-ah! Set another place at the table!”

Hongbin breaks into a grin, thanks Hakyeon, and practically skips his way to the guys’ apartment.

 

.

 

Literally the only thing Hakyeon and Taekwoon have in common is their age. Taekwoon’s a quiet, reserved physiotherapist and Hakyeon’s a loud, outgoing tattoo artist whose chattiness is nothing but charming, but somehow them living together just… _works_. Hongbin’s known them for years, and the only times he’s seen them fight was whenever one “accidentally” ate the other’s food. They go so well together Hongbin’s a bit envious, even. It’s the kind of friendship he’s longed for all his life.

“You’re doing the dishes,” is the first thing Taekwoon says when he greets Hongbin at the door.

Hongbin grins and agrees easily, following him into the living room where Hakyeon’s lounged on the couch watching the news.

“Ease up on the kid, will you? It’s not easy being the fiancé of a bigshot tycoon.”

The cushion Hongbin tosses sadly doesn’t land anywhere near Hakyeon’s snickering face. “He’s not my fiancé, okay?”

“Oh, forgive me,” Hakyeon continues teasing. “Is betrothed to be married not the definition of being engaged anymore?”

“Nothing’s set in stone yet. We’re planning to get to know each other first.”

“So that’s why you’re here, you little brat,” Hakyeon gasps indignantly. “You’re avoiding your parents, aren’t you?”

“Stop picking on him about it,” Taekwoon pipes up from somewhere over Hongbin’s shoulder. “Food’s getting cold. Let’s eat.”

“You can never resist rescuing tiny helpless creatures, can you?” Hakyeon mumbles under his breath.

Hongbin sees Taekwoon reaching out, hears the audible thump on a skull and Hakyeon’s yelp, and feels right at home. 

 

.

 

Hongbin’s mother is much more reluctant to postpone the wedding than his father, which he expects. The way she raved on and on about Wonshik the first time they mentioned the engagement, Hongbin predicts she’s already naming their future kids in her head.

“Just let them be young people, would you?” his father grumbles at his mother’s incessant whining.

And that’s that. Hongbin explains that he’d asked Wonshik out for lunch this weekend and she’s smiling again in no time. One item crossed out in his mental to-do list, he grabs his keys, phone, and wallet and rushes out the door.

He doesn’t expect Hakyeon’s shop to be brimming with customers on a Wednesday morning, so it’s no surprise when he steps inside to find both Hakyeon and Sanghyuk working on a customer each, and their shop manager, Shinwoo, playing mobile games at the counter, no other people in sight. Sanghyuk’s client is a regular from the looks of it, sleeves running down both arms and a peaceful look on his face as Sanghyuk works on the coloring of one spot on his inner arm. Hongbin can only see the bare back of Hakyeon’s client, muscles bunched up and taut from the pain, most possibly. Hongbin engages in small talk with Shinwoo at the front of the shop while waiting. Sanghyuk finishes first, grinning in that bashful, boyish way when the customer praises his work.

“Binnie hyung,” he greets cheerfully after sending his client out. “Still working on that assignment?”

Hongbin groans. “I can stand taking a million pictures. It’s the report writing that drives me crazy.”

“In that case,” Hakyeon blurts out suddenly, “come be useful and take a picture of my newest masterpiece.”

Hongbin makes a show of sighing, but reaches for the camera Sanghyuk hands him silently. The client is still lying face down in front of Hakyeon, breathing even. 

“We’re almost done, Jaehwan,” Hakyeon says. “Just need to take a picture before I wrap you up.”

“Sure, hyung,” comes the muffled response.

Hongbin adjusts the setting and lens while admiring the ink. It’s a delicate line of letters – maybe a prose or lyrics? – curled into a treble clef, clever and elegant.

Hakyeon sees him admiring it and grins. “I can’t take full credit for that. It’s his design,” he points to his customer.

“It’s beautiful,” Hongbin admits, aiming the camera.

The tattoo on the right shoulder blade ripples as the owner arches to look up at him. “Thank you,” the guy says warmly.

Hongbin pauses, camera in hand, unsure of why. He lifts it again and the guy goes back down, displaying his back. Hongbin takes a few shots, trying not to notice how mesmerizing the play of muscles underneath the smooth, fair skin is.

“I’m done,” Hongbin announces, hating the way his voice cracks. Hakyeon thanks him and Hongbin leaves him to apply bandage on his client in peace, rejoining Sanghyuk at the counter. 

“This is Hongbin,” Hakyeon introduces when he’s ringing the customer up. “This here is Jaehwan. We pored over that design for months.”

Jaehwan smiles and clasps Hakyeon on the shoulder. “You mean _I_ pored. You, hyung, merely fawned over my genius.”

Hakyeon busts out his fake laugh and swats Jaehwan on the arm with a loud smack. “Remind me again why I’m friends with you?”

Jaehwan grins. “My good looks and endless charms, of course.”

Hongbin watches the whole exchange silently, wishing somehow that he has something witty or charming to say. Hakyeon playfully chases Jaehwan out of his shop, but not before giving him tips on how to care for his new tattoo. Jaehwan says his farewell to Sanghyuk before turning to look at Hongbin.

“It was nice to meet you,” he says, eyes crinkling with his huge smile. “Maybe I’ll see you again some time.”

“Ah, yes,” Hongbin manages, undoubtedly ten seconds too late. “Nice meeting you, too.”

Jaehwan accepts Hakyeon’s brief hug and excuses himself, waving at them as he leaves. Hongbin has a moment of utter panic that Hakyeon or Sanghyuk will notice the bizarre reaction he’s having from meeting the guy, but they just start discussing about what to have for lunch, leaving Hongbin alone in his confusion.

 

.

 

Saturday comes, swift and sunny, and Hongbin finds himself surprisingly excited for the lunch date with Wonshik. They agree to meet at the company again, since Wonshik has a couple of things to look over that morning, and this time around he politely declines a staff’s offer to escort him to the studios. The weather is extremely pleasant outside so he decides to bring his camera, just in case, fiddling with it as he walks down the hallway towards Wonshik’s studio.

“Oh?”

Hongbin looks up just in time, seconds away from bumping into the person in front of him. Jaehwan looks genuinely happy to run into him, and Hongbin’s heart skips a bit in his chest at the look on his face. “Oh,” Hongbin echoes dumbly, mind racing to think of words to say. “Hi.”

“Fancy meeting you here,” Jaehwan smiles, cheeks ruddy. “Are you here to audition?”

Hongbin’s weirdly flustered by the question – or by Jaehwan’s smile, he’s not sure – and he blurts out the only response he has off the top of his head. “I’m a photography major.”

Jaehwan gets the drift, anyway, still beaming. “I figured,” he says, gesturing at Hongbin’s front vaguely.

Hongbin’s suddenly hyper aware of the weight of the Canon around his neck and blushes furiously. “I thought it looks beautiful outside, so.”

“I hope you’re not expecting to run into any celebrities because I’m the only person free enough to be around at this time of day.”

“I’m actually meeting someone—”

“Hongbin.”

Wonshik seems delighted to see him, looking incredible in his tailor made dark grey suit, long legs striding to where they’re standing. “Sorry I’m late. The meeting got a little bit too long.”

“It’s okay. I just got here.”

“I see you’ve met my talented songbird.”

It takes a full second for Hongbin to digest what Wonshik said, and only after watching Jaehwan hitting Wonshik’s chest with an indignant _hey!_ does the reality dawn on him. Of course the voice he heard was Jaehwan’s. Of course he’s attracted to someone before even meeting him, who turns out to be friends with the guy he’s supposed to marry. 

With Hongbin’s luck, Jaehwan might not even like guys.

Wonshik touches his shoulder gently, bringing him crashing back down to earth. “Are you ready to go?”

Hongbin nods, no doubt with a stupid, vacant look on his face. “Uh, yes. Sure.” 

“Hyung,” Wonshik turns to Jaehwan. “You’ve got any lunch plans?”

“Not really. I’ll probably get some sandwiches from downstairs and try to work out the new demo,” Jaehwan shrugs.

“You should join us,” Hongbin finds himself saying, belatedly realizing that he probably should not have invited a third person to a supposed first date.

Wonshik doesn’t seem to mind, fortunately. “Yeah, come on. Why are you working so hard anyway? I don’t even pay you that much.”

Jaehwan’s response to the teasing is a short, amicable laugh. “a, I’m going to make you pay me a ton when the time comes, and b, I don’t want to intrude.”

“Are you sure? We’re going to that fancy Italian restaurant you love.”

Jaehwan looks at Wonshik before turning to Hongbin, the corners of his mouth lowering ever so slightly. “Yeah. I really should be working on that demo while my inspiration is going. You guys go on ahead.”

Wonshik’s forehead is creased with worry when they turn away, but he brightens up at Hongbin’s small smile. Hongbin has to fight not to look around, Jaehwan’s gaze heavy on his back.

 

.

 

After lunch, Wonshik invites him back to the studio. Hongbin debates it over and over in his head, but in the end his gut wins over his mind, and he follows Wonshik down the hallway to the recording booth at the end. Jaehwan’s on the other side of the glass when they enter the room, making notes on the music sheets with a pencil. He looks up when Wonshik taps on the window, the intense concentration in his eyes vanishing as he sees them. 

Wonshik presses a button and asks into the mic, “How’s it going, hyung?”

“Slow,” Jaehwan replies, frowning. “I’m nearly there, though.”

“Take your time,” Wonshik says warmly. “I know you’ll get it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jaehwan sighs, putting on his headphones. “You owe me a week’s worth of barbecue dinner for this.”

Wonshik laughs and takes a seat next to Hongbin, watching as Jaehwan steps back up to the microphone. Hongbin can’t keep his eyes off, breath hitching as Jaehwan closes his eyes and waits for the music to come on. It’s a different song from the one Hongbin heard before, this one with a strong RnB feeling to it. Roughened honey voice fills the studio, Jaehwan’s lilting tone and melodic riffs tugging at Hongbin’s heart strings. It’s easy to get lost in the decadence of it all, and Hongbin’s partly grateful for Wonshik’s warm presence at his side

“He’s good, isn’t he?” 

Hongbin blinks, mind jarred. “Yes.” _So good I want to spend a lifetime just listening to him._

“We’re in the middle of finalizing his track list. After that it’s the recording, a jacket photo shoot maybe, and then he’s ready to debut,” Wonshik says, beaming proudly.

“Was that a company secret you just shared with me?” Hongbin grins.

Wonshik laughs, head ducked almost coyly. “I guess it is.”

“Hey,” Hongbin bumps their shoulders together. “Promise I won’t tell.”

The door to the recording booth is shoved open and Jaehwan walks in, a little defeat in his steps. “That’s it. It won’t happen today. I need to take a break.”

It’s difficult to understand how that track can get any better, but Hongbin keeps quiet and lets the music experts talk it over. Wonshik nods calmly, getting to his feet before Jaehwan. “Of course. Do you want to go out for coffee or something? Hongbin, you wanna come?”

Hongbin hesitates for a second, then touches the strap around his neck. “I thought I’d take a walk around the park and take some pictures for my portfolio, since it’s so nice outside.” 

“Great,” Jaehwan says, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Can I come with you? I think the fresh air will do me good.”

Hongbin nods, trying to gauge Wonshik’s reaction. He seems fine with it, nodding along with Hongbin. “I’ll get back to work, then. I’ve a pile of documents to look through. This new collaboration contract is giving me a headache.” 

For a moment a stab of guilt shoots through Hongbin, but Wonshik’s easy smile and the shoulder pat he leaves Hongbin with ease most of the feeling away.

 

.

 

Jaehwan is much more easygoing than Hongbin expects him to be. As they walk together into the semi-crowded park, Hongbin’s discovered that Jaehwan is a year older, born and raised in Seoul, learned to play the guitar from his dad and the piano from his mom, and he’s blind as a bat without his lenses.

“Terrible after effects of hardcore gaming when I was a kid,” he smirks, stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets. “I’m rambling. What about you? What’s it like for you growing up?”

Hongbin’s face heats up when he realizes he wants Jaehwan to keep on talking, just to hear his voice. “Um,” he clears his throat. It’s never a comfortable topic for him, his family and upbringing, if only because people tend to expect a grandiose tale from a family of their status. “It was nothing special, really. My parents were both busy with the business so I was mostly raised by my grandma. My sisters and I are quite far apart in age so they weren’t around much, either. Actually I was a pretty lonely kid, but oddly never sad. When I met Hakyeon hyung after middle school, that sort of changed. Just being around him feels comforting, you know? He has that presence that fills up any room.”

Jaehwan chuckles. “That’s how it was for me, too. I don’t really have any friends other than Wonshik, and after he took over VE, Hakyeon hyung was there to fill the space.”

“We should never let him know how we feel about him.”

“Agreed,” Jaehwan grins, extending a hand for a handshake.

Jaehwan’s large, warm hand feels _right_ inside of his. The heat of it lingers a few seconds after they let go, and Hongbin blinks. Jaehwan’s gnawing on the corner of his bottom lip, his deep set eyes unreadable. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do with the demo?” Hongbin blurts in one single breath, clearly flustered.

Jaehwan nods, his gaze never straying from Hongbin’s. “Yeah, I think I’ve found my inspiration.”

Hongbin looks away before Jaehwan can see his flushed cheeks, walking off with his camera in his hands like an idiot. They walk in silence for a few more minutes, Hongbin hiding behind his lens in pretense of snapping pictures of the near dusk scenery.

“How did you get into photography?” Jaehwan asks, breaking the tension.

Hongbin slows to a stop, looking out into the multicolored sky. “It sort of found me, I guess. Sounds cliché, but I just grew fond of looking through a lens and making stories of whatever I see.”

“I think it’s amazing. I got my music from my parents, but you have a talent separate from yours. Nobody can say you’re good at what you do simply because you’re their son.”

“I’m sure people don’t think it’s all there is to you,” Hongbin replies, finally looking him in the eyes again. “From how much I’ve heard, I think you’re incredible, and I honestly would love to hear more of it.”

This time, it’s Jaehwan who shies away from his gaze, shaking his head. “Really, if I’m not friends with Wonshik, who knows if I’d ever get to debut. He’s done a whole lot for me.”

Hongbin has never felt a more burning urgency to embrace someone, to tell him that what he has is immeasurable and nothing the world tells him can take away from that. Instead, he breathes out, “He’s a really wonderful guy.”

Jaehwan watches him, brown eyes glinting. “You know, when Wonshik talked about you, how great and kind and attractive you are, I had a hard time believing somebody could be so perfect. But then later, after—” he pauses, taking a breath. “I had half a mind to tell him that this guy of his is nothing compared to the one I met at Hakyeon hyung’s shop.”

Hongbin’s breath stutters, chest tight and cold. Jaehwan turns away, at last, and it feels like a piece of Hongbin walks away with him.

 

.

 

Hongbin’s been awake for hours, arms aching from holding his camera up as he lies on his bed. The image on the preview screen is one of Jaehwan standing at the riverbank, the sunset like a halo above his head, flashing Hongbin a beatific grin and a meek V sign. It’s been close to an hour since he started staring at it, but no matter how many times he turns it over in his head, the funny way his heart alternately dips and soars at the thought of the guy doesn’t go away.

He leaves his bed, finally, camera in his hand. He removes the memory card, sticks it into his laptop, enhances the photo and prints it out, all on auto pilot. It goes on his cork board, next to the picture of Hakyeon messily kissing him on the cheek, his dimples carved deep from laughing so hard. They look happy next to each other, Jaehwan and him, and for a second Hongbin thinks it might be enough.

His phone alarm chirps at exactly seven o’clock, and Hongbin is still standing at the wall, musing. Deciding a distraction will benefit him, he texts Hakyeon to meet him at the basketball court and heads off to shower.

 

.

 

It’s almost freezing and the court is deserted. Hakyeon saunters in, mussed with sleep but still smiling. He greets Hongbin warmly, then suggests a game of one on one, without even asking why they’re there. Hongbin’s clearly distracted, and Hakyeon reaps the benefit, stealing the ball over and over. It’s fifty points to twenty three in the end, but neither of them will mention the fact that Hongbin has never lost a game to Hakyeon since the summer his growth spurt kicked in.

Hakyeon waits until they’re seated at the bench, water bottles half emptied, before approaching the subject. “Alright, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Why have you never talked about Jaehwan to me before?” It’s not what he intends to say, but he goes through with it anyway. “He said you guys met over a year ago.”

“What is there to talk about?” Hakyeon mutters. “I didn’t think you’d fall for him at first sight.”

“Hyung!”

Hakyeon snorts, slapping his knee. “Kid, I’ve known you since before your voice broke. Did you think I didn’t notice you gawking at him in my shop the other day?”

Hongbin groans, dropping his head into his palms. “I’m so screwed.”

“I hope you will be,” Hakyeon quips. When Hongbin doesn’t react to it, the concern comes back into his voice. “Hey, everything’s fine. You’re not married, you’re not even properly engaged yet. Just tell Wonshik -”

“They’re friends.”

A beat of silence, then, “What?”

“Almost like brothers. Like you and me. Wonshik played me Jaehwan’s demo the first time we met, and I think I knew then. Even then, his _voice_. God, hyung, what am I supposed to do?”

Hakyeon stays silent for a while, his hand rubbing small circles into Hongbin’s back. “Binnie, if you’re sure, then you just have to tell Wonshik. It’ll be better to do it now than when you guys are more involved with each other.”

It’s the right thing to do, Hongbin knows, and yet it’s painful to think about. Wonshik isn’t even into him _that_ way, is the consolation he gives himself. Hurting his parents is his biggest concern. 

A small voice deep inside him voices the truth: nothing is scarier than finding yourself falling, at breakneck speed, with no end in sight.

 

.

 

Of course Wonshik would call him out for another date two days after. It still doesn’t feel official, and when he says Jaehwan is joining them, relief and anxiety churn at the pit of Hongbin’s belly, taking turns making him queasy.

He says yes anyway, and gets to the restaurant early. The maître d leads him to a semi-secluded table, and he spends the time waiting fiddling with his phone. Wonshik walks in five minutes before eight, smiling widely. 

“We’re not late, are we?”

“No, I’m just early,” Hongbin returns his smile easily. He can feel the smile faltering when he sees Jaehwan over Wonshik’s shoulder. It’s childish for him to think he would get over his feelings in mere days. They just come crashing back the moment their eyes meet, and Hongbin can’t even look away. Jaehwan’s gotten a haircut, no doubt for his debut. He looks different, ever so handsome, and Hongbin’s fear spikes as he realizes his attraction goes beyond that.

“Have you ordered?” Wonshik asks, taking the menu off the table. Hongbin shakes his head, not trusting himself to speak. “Hyung, you hungry?”

“Always,” Jaehwan smirks, one eyebrow cocked.

Wonshik laughs, his eyes scanning the words in front of him. Jaehwan looks at Hongbin, eyes hooded, and a sharp stab of longing shoots through him. Hongbin isn’t even sure how it’s possible to miss someone when he’s right in front of you. Hongbin glances down at his own menu but the words are jumbled up to him. Jaehwan and Wonshik place their orders as soon as the server drops by, and Hongbin loathes to make them wait.

“I’ll have the same.”

Wonshik leans forward when they’re left alone, his gaze earnest. “I actually have an ulterior motive to ask you out.”

Hongbin’s mind goes blank for a second, and a look in Jaehwan’s direction doesn’t help any; the guy’s expression expertly schooled. “Okay.”

Wonshik’s smile eases his nerves a little bit. “We have a debut date for Jaehwan hyung. We’re recording the album right now.”

“Congratulations,” Hongbin wishes excitedly, unable to keep the elation out of his voice.

Jaehwan thanks him softly, cheeks tinted pink. Hongbin wonders idly if he would be more thrilled if whatever it is between them doesn’t exist.

“What I want to talk to you about,” Wonshik continues, upbeat, “is the album jacket. I’d love it if you can take the pictures for us.”

Hongbin feels his jaw drop. “What? Are you serious? Why me? Don’t you have a professional for that kind of stuff?”

He realizes belatedly how rude he sounds, but Wonshik just laughs it off. “We have in-house photographers, yes, but we decided to get a fresh perspective. Somebody new and talented.”

“When you say ‘we’...”

“Jaehwan hyung and I. He’s fully involved in the creative process. Did I mention how artistic he is? He’s awesome at drawing, too.”

An image of Jaehwan’s tattooed back flashes through Hongbin’s mind and he nearly misses Jaehwan jabbing Wonshik in the side with his elbow. Wonshik doubles over, still grinning.

“Look,” Jaehwan tells him, “you don’t have to say yes, but I really feel like you can convey my feelings for this album the best.”

Hongbin looks to Wonshik, who simply shrugs, and back to Jaehwan whose brown eyes are like peat bogs, sucking Hongbin in. He finds himself nodding in agreement, watching as the other two exchange grins. The concept and details are hashed out promptly, and Hongbin tries not to think about how compatible Jaehwan and him are, how well they work together. Wonshik proposes a date for the photo shoot over dessert, and Hongbin’s heart swells treacherously at the sparkle in Jaehwan’s eyes.

Ignoring the nagging voice inside his head, Hongbin tucks into the fat slice of cheesecake, listening to Wonshik’s story about garish dinner parties and how he escapes death by boredom every time thanks to Jaehwan.

 

.

 

Hongbin sort of anticipated the slap to the back of his head. It doesn’t make it hurt any less. Hakyeon scowls at the helpless mewling he makes, clearly unaffected.

“I meant to tell him, I swear,” Hongbin says, dropping the wounded kitten act.

Hakyeon harrumphs, arms crossed over his chest, the perfect picture of a nagging parent. “So what happened? Did you accidentally bite your own lolling tongue and lost the ability to speak?” 

“That’s harsh,” Hongbin says, the exact same moment Taekwoon says, “Quit being a drama queen.” 

Telling Hakyeon that is equivalent to asking the sun to stop rising. Hongbin doesn’t think that’s the reason Hakyeon kicks Taekwoon in the shin, though.

“Stay out of this. You don’t even know what’s going on.”

“Of course I do,” Taekwoon counters flatly. “Hongbin is into his fiancé’s best friend and the guy likes him too but now he thinks his fiancé also likes him.”

Hongbin and Hakyeon exchange looks, and Taekwoon shrugs. 

“Being quiet makes me an amazing listener.”

“Or a busybody,” Hakyeon scoffs, ducking to avoid a smack to the head from his housemate. “Look, Bin, the longer you drag this on, the worse it’ll make Wonshik feel. Do you want that?”

“No,” Hongbin frowns. “Of course not. He’s a great guy.”

“Talk to Jaehwan about it. No use denying what you feel about each other. Talk to him and decide who and how to tell Wonshik.”

Hongbin’s learned that it’s best to follow Hakyeon’s advices. A tiny shred of himself is considering telling Wonshik he’s backing out from the wedding and keeping the part about Jaehwan and him for much, much later, though.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Hakyeon interrupts his thoughts, scarily astute as always. “Wonshik deserves the truth, Bin-ah. Everybody does.”

Taekwoon nods in agreement. “Being in any relationship while keeping it a secret is going to be a pain in the ass.”

Hakyeon gasps theatrically, hand clasped to his mouth. “Ooh, Taekwoon. Did something finally happen with that adorable dance teacher from upstairs?”

“What? No,” Taekwoon snaps, his cheeks flushed. When the teasing doesn’t stop, he grabs the cushion from his lap and proceeds to beat Hakyeon mercilessly with it. If it isn’t for the booming laugh, Hongbin would be worried for Hakyeon. It distracts him from his problem, at least temporarily, and he’s thankful for that.

 

.

 

Hongbin isn’t usually a morning person, much less when he only has two hours of sleep in him. But the moment he walks into the studio, his crankiness is completely washed away by all the shiny equipment, the buzzing of the staff members, and the fact that Wonshik’s assistant immediately whisks him away for a briefing on the day’s agenda. He’s mentally picturing the shots he’s going to take when a pair of friendly hands land on his shoulders.

“Good morning,” Wonshik greets brightly. “Already hard at work, I see.”

Hongbin grins in return, cheeks warm from excitement. “Thank you so much for this opportunity, man. I can’t wait to get started.”

Wonshik’s about to reply when he spots something on the other side of the room. “There’s the man of the hour.”

Nothing ridiculous really happen: time doesn’t cease moving, the world doesn’t tip off its axis, fireworks don’t go off in Hongbin’s mind as he watches Jaehwan approach the set. Instead, it gets pretty hard to breathe, heart skittering in his chest because Jaehwan looks stunning, and he realizes he didn’t think this whole thing through. How is he supposed to survive looking at Jaehwan for hours, even (especially?) from behind his camera?

Wonshik lets out a wolf whistle as Hongbin struggles to exhale through the lump in his throat. “Looking good, hyung.”

Jaehwan grimaces, subtly adjusting the buttons on his waistcoat. “All this,” he waves a hand over his professionally coiffed hair, “ _product_ is driving me insane.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Wonshik grins.

Then, like he only just notices Hongbin there, Jaehwan turns to blink at him through kohl-lined eyes, the brown of them stark against the smudged borders. “Sorry I’m late.”

Somehow Hongbin manages to keep his wits, shaking his head in response. “No, you’re not. I still haven’t finished setting up my shots.”

“Okay,” Jaehwan says. “Good.”

If Wonshik senses the awkwardness in the air he doesn’t let it show on his face. “I’m going to let you guys do your stuff. I’ve a meeting scheduled in ten minutes. Have fun!”

Jaehwan sends him off with a fist bump and Hongbin with a wave, and then he’s gone. Hongbin’s assistant for the day calls for him in the nick of time, talking a mile per minute about the tools they’re working with. Hongbin takes it all in, the photography jargons making his insides sing. He must have looked like an overjoyed moron, because when he turns around Jaehwan is staring at him with an odd look on his face.

“What?”

Jaehwan shakes his head, smiling coyly. “Nothing.”

Hongbin can’t help but smile back. “You’re weird.”

Jaehwan steps into the set, muttering, “ _You’re_ weird.”

The crooked smile on Jaehwan’s face morphs into a smirk, and it stays on his face as he takes his first pose. It goes away after a few shots, and they pause to brief Jaehwan on the next set of frames. It’s easy to work with Jaehwan, unsurprisingly. He takes directions extremely well, and yet is comfortable to offer his own input and suggests his own ideas. Hongbin’s so lost in capturing Jaehwan on camera that hours go by without him even realizing it until his assistant asks him what he’d prefer for lunch. He finishes another set of frames before calling for a break.

The staffs disperse in various directions and a stylist drags Jaehwan off immediately. Hongbin mills around the table where lunch is spread on, looking for food that catches his eyes, and ends up grabbing a cup of fruit salad. It disappears in no time, so he takes a bottled water and heads to the back of the studio. 

He finds Jaehwan alone in the dressing room, humming an unfamiliar tune. With the way he’s dressed and leaning against the wall Hongbin half expects to see a lit cigarette hanging off his lips. Instead, he’s munching on a candy bar, which just piques Hongbin’s fascination even more.

“Already working on the next big hit?”

Jaehwan looks up, the surprise widening his eyes. When he sees it’s Hongbin, he relaxes and shrugs. “Hate to be a cliché, but when inspiration strikes you don’t let it go to waste. And mine strikes at the weirdest times possible.” 

“Like in the shower and stuff?”

It’s out before Hongbin realizes he’s thinking about it. Jaehwan doesn’t look weirded out or anything, though, gaze piercing as he kicks off the wall in Hongbin’s direction. “Sort of.”

Hongbin doesn’t move back, letting Jaehwan’s long legs eat up the distance between them. They’re toe-to-toe when he speaks again, close enough to touch. “You must be tired.”

Jaehwan tilts his head, lips quirked lazily. “Not really. All I had to do was stand there. You were the one who had the difficult job of staring at my ugly face.”

Hongbin exhales and catches Jaehwan watching his parted lips. “Not at all.”

“It wasn’t hard,” Jaehwan grins, clearly enjoying the innuendo, “looking at my face all day?”

Hongbin gives in, stumbling forward, so close he can see the flecks of gold in Jaehwan’s eyes. “I wouldn’t say that—”

Face angled, they both tip closer, mouths brushing before caution is thrown out the window. There hasn’t been a lot, but Hongbin has never had a first kiss like this: open-mouthed, messy, and thrilling; like they’ve been waiting a lifetime to find each other. Jaehwan kisses like Hongbin hung the stars and the moon - slow, deep, and completely reverent. They get lost in it pretty quick, and then it becomes a race - clothes grabbed and bodies pinned; greedy, wet kisses that leave Hongbin breathless. 

Hongbin’s dizzy from the lack of air and the sudden rush of blood to his dick, but his heart’s all fluttery and warm, it’s confusing. It’s the absolute worst place to be doing this, anyone can walk in right now, even (especially) Wonshik, but Hongbin can’t possibly stop. Jaehwan smells like hairspray and lemon soap and something else distinct and _good_ that it’s impossible to push him away. Despite the urgent need, though, Hongbin manages to be careful with Jaehwan’s clothes, feeling the hard muscles underneath without messing with them. 

Jaehwan groans and slips a hand beneath Hongbin’s t-shirt, blunt fingertips raking his stomach. Hongbin nips and tugs at Jaehwan’s soft, lush lips, wanting to taste more and more. When Jaehwan pulls away, breathing jagged and eyes blown wide with lust, Hongbin doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone more beautiful. 

Jaehwan’s mouth, kiss-swollen and slick with spit, says the only thing Hongbin doesn’t want to hear. “We can’t do this. I can’t.”

Hongbin inhales, stuttering, “What?” he asks gingerly, although he already knows the answer.

“We can’t do this to Wonshik. He really, really likes you,” Jaehwan moans, dragging a hand through his hair distractedly. “God, the way he _talks_ about you...”

Hongbin knows he’s fucked when all he can think about is how much sexier Jaehwan looks with his hair all disheveled like that. It’s not that impossible for Wonshik to develop feelings for him, Hongbin knows, even when he tries hard to convince himself. If things were different, he can see himself falling for Wonshik, too. But as he closes his eyes and still pictures Jaehwan in his mind, he’s assured that it will never be.

“What about you?”

Jaehwan looks stunned by the question, as if it’s the first time anyone has ever asked him that. He doesn’t answer, simply stepping back and looking at Hongbin with big, sad eyes. “I’m sorry.”

It’s a whisper, weak and muffled, but it echoes through Hongbin like a thunderclap, deafening. Jaehwan’s gone and Hongbin’s left with nothing but the taste of their kiss in his mouth.

 

.

 

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

Hongbin manages a flicker of a smile, hoping that it’s enough of a response. Wonshik grins, mirth in his eyes as he flips through the prints from the album jacket photoshoot. Hongbin’s tired from lack of sleep, shoulders a tight uninterrupted line of stress, from poring over the pictures he took all through the night. It was barely hard work, every shot of every frame of Jaehwan coming out beautiful and amazing, but the cold stab of reality had kept Hongbin up, Jaehwan’s last apology ringing in his ears.

“I’m glad you like it,” he says, just to break the unending chain of impressed noises Wonshik is producing. “It was – it was a great experience for me.”

“I knew you guys would be good together.”

It stings. Hongbin’s stomach twists excruciatingly, and he looks away, avoiding Wonshik’s gentle smile. It should probably be strange how it takes almost a minute for him to respond, but Wonshik doesn’t mind, sipping on his green tea latte quietly. “Yeah, it was good working with – with him.”

“I’ll pass these on to the creative team for approval, but I’m pretty sure they’ll wet themselves over these,” Wonshik snickers, winking playfully. “Gotta keep them on their toes, knowing there’s a super talented photographer out there, just snapping awesome pictures left and right.”

Hongbin doesn’t even have enough energy to blush at the compliment, just ducks his head and laughs along, the pit of his belly still raw and hurting. Too deep in his thoughts, he misses Wonshik leaning over the table, small touch to the back of his hand.

“Hey,” Wonshik mumbles, looking skittish and unsure. Hongbin doesn’t know what to expect. “Remember when we talked about putting a pin on the whole marriage thing?”

“Yeah?” Hongbin intones, half-aware of how tight he’s holding onto his coffee mug, his heart jumping in his chest. 

Wonshik tilts his head, eyes squinting, looking every bit like a shy little boy. “Well, I’d like to take the pin out, so to speak, if you’re okay with it. I think we should date, for a start.”

Breath stuck in his throat, Hongbin stumbles over his reply, the better part of him screaming to take it as an opening: _I’m in love with Jaehwan, I’m sorry_. “I’m – I don’t—” he says instead.

Wonshik blinks, lips curling into a tiny chagrined smile. “Oh, it’s okay. We don’t have to – I mean, not right away. I’m just saying I’m ready to – you can let me know when you are.”

Hakyeon is yelling at the back of Hongbin’s mind, calling him selfish and an asshole, and Hongbin squashes it all, the bitter taste of it remaining on his tongue. “I’ll – I will. I’ll do that, thanks.”

If he’s absolutely disappointed or pissed, Wonshik doesn’t show it. He clears his throat and checks his watch, scooting back in his seat. “I’ve got to get going. I have a conference call in five minutes.”

Later, Hongbin might think about what possesses him to say so, but his mind wanders and he finds himself asking, “Do you mind if I come back with you? I need to talk to Jaehwan.”

“Sure,” Wonshik nods, gathering his suit jacket and keys. “He’s probably practicing in the studio.”

 

.

 

Jaehwan doesn’t look nearly as horrible as Hongbin does. It’s heartbreaking how _normal_ Jaehwan looks as compared to Hongbin, almost as if what happened three days ago only happened to Hongbin alone – a figment of his imagination. Jaehwan’s slumped on a stool in the recording booth, a pencil between his teeth, unruly bangs in his eyes as he reads the sheet music in his hand. With each passing second that he feels like kissing Jaehwan, still, after everything, Hongbin gets angrier and angrier at himself.

“I need to talk to you.”

Jaehwan doesn’t yell or kick him out like Hongbin knows he deserves, for barging in looking like a crazed bum and interrupting Jaehwan’s work. Instead, he puts the papers and pencil down, and stands up to match Hongbin’s height. “Okay,” he says, calm as a cucumber.

It makes Hongbin even furious, but he’s not exactly sure at what anymore. The universe, maybe. “You didn’t answer my question.”

It’s a dumb opening line, he knows, but Jaehwan gets it right away, gaze flicking down to the grey carpet beneath their feet. “It doesn’t matter.”

“How does it not matter when it’s you and me?” Hongbin demands, fists clenched at his sides. They’re itching to unfurl and grab Jaehwan, to shake him until he makes sense. “All we have to do is tell him, Jaehwan. That’s it, and—”

“And then what?” Jaehwan growls, brown eyes blazing, challenging Hongbin into shutting his mouth. “You think it’ll be candy and roses with Wonshik? That he’ll laugh and congratulate us and still be my best friend? Is that what you think?”

Hongbin squares his shoulders, lowering his register to match the mood. “So what? You just give up on this – on _us_ \- without even trying? Is that all it means to you?”

“Hongbin,” Jaehwan breathes, eyes shuttered. “I admit that I lo – I like you a lot. I do. But Wonshik’s my family. I love him like a brother. I can’t do this to him.”

Hongbin swallows and it tastes like broken glass, his eyes stinging. “Don’t you think he deserves to know? Don’t you think it’ll hurt more if he finds out later?”

Jaehwan stays still, his mouth in a tight, grim line. “He will not hear it from me. I can’t risk hurting him at all.”

“What about me?” Hongbin asks, stepping closer, crowding Jaehwan against the wall. “What? You’re okay with us going through with the marriage? Or are you expecting me to be the bad guy here and break it off all on my own?”

For the first time, Jaehwan looks pained, throat working as he tries to come up with an answer. Hongbin doesn’t feel the satisfaction he expects to feel, only the urgent need to hold him close, to make the hurt go away. “What happens between the two of you – it’s not my place to say.”

“But you’re fine with deciding what we can and cannot do by yourself? What about what I want? What about what _you_ want? Is this all there is to it?”

“What I want doesn’t matter!” Jaehwan barks, face flushed and breathing uneven. “I refuse to hurt my best friend just because I have the audacity to be in love with—”

“Why don’t you let me decide whether or not I get hurt, hyung.”

The breath Hongbin’s been holding from the beginning of Jaehwan’s last sentence stutters in his chest. Jaehwan looks absolutely distraught, chest heaving like he’d just run a marathon. Wonshik’s eyes are trained on him, face stoic and devoid of expression. It feels like the earth stands still until Jaehwan manages to catch his breath.

“Wonshik, I didn’t mean to—”

“What, hyung?” Wonshik’s deep voice rises, fury in every phoneme. “You think I’ll be hurt to know that you finally found the one you’ve been searching for all these years, just because I like him too? What kind of a friend do you take me as?”

Hongbin knows he shouldn’t interfere, but the knowledge that he’s the reason they’ve come to this spurs him on. “Wonshik, it’s not his fault. It’s just—”

The look he gets is enough to kill his thought. Wonshik still stands in between him and Jaehwan, towering height and intimidating breadth, and his glare is now directed at Hongbin. “Let me lay this out for you guys. I came here because my conference call was canceled, wanting to know if you want to grab lunch together. What I found out isn’t the thing killing me right now. It’s that you think you’re protecting me by hiding, by _lying_ to me about it.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Jaehwan says, keeping their distance, his eyes wide with worry. “It’s just that – I didn’t want to hurt you, Wonshik-ah. I know how much you really like Hongbin.”

“So?” Wonshik retorts, posture still as taut. “We’ve been friends for over ten years. Give me some credit. I’m hurt that you’re planning to make me a fool, not because you went and fall for each other.”

“That wasn’t our intention at all, I—” 

“When I asked if you wanted to start dating,” Wonshik cuts Hongbin off sharply. “You could’ve told me. You could’ve at least said that you’re not interested. That you’re already in love with someone else.”

Hongbin bites his tongue, cowardly escaping Wonshik’s gaze. Jaehwan takes a shaky breath and walks up to his friend, eyes pleading. “I’m sorry, Wonshik. I’m—”

“Hyung,” Wonshik interjects, his tone even and placid. Hongbin can see his whole body shaking, though, control running out. “I love you, so I don’t want to hit you. I think you should leave. Both of you. Leave my studio.”

When Hongbin reaches the entrance of the building, it’s dark and gloomy outside, grey clouds gathering above. The first raindrop hits his cheek before he can get to the subway station, the next landing on his arm as he rushes down the stairs. Soon, it’s pouring down and Hongbin can’t help but wonder if it’ll ever be bright again.

 

.

 

It’s seven weeks before Hongbin sees Jaehwan again. He’s been channel surfing when the headline of the entertainment news catches his attention.

> VIXX Ent. Debuts First Solo Act in Three Years

Jaehwan smiles and waves as cameras flash all around him, flushed and happy, and Hongbin switches the channel before his mother comes back from the kitchen. She’s still heartbroken over the engagement and any news surrounding Wonshik or his company might trigger her tears again.

_”But I’m glad you’re following your heart, son. I just want you to be happy.”_

It took all of his will power not to drop to her feet and cry his heart out then. He pastes on dimpled smiles for her and his father these days, religiously going to classes and hanging out with Hakyeon just to pass time. Hakyeon doesn’t comment on it, much to Hongbin’s relief, but he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop. So he’s walking on eggshells with his best friend now, too, anxiety flaring up whenever he stops by the shop, although logically he knows Jaehwan would be too busy to visit.

“Sure you don’t want one?” Sanghyuk asks casually, one elbow on the counter propping his chin as Hongbin flips through the shop’s portfolio. “I could use the practice.”

Hongbin looks up at him, scoffing. “Even for free I wouldn’t want that.”

Hakyeon turns up out of nowhere, wrangling Hongbin around his neck. “You can’t suggest Hongbin to get tattooed, you moron. You can’t mar this flawless artwork with ink.”

“Shut up,” Hongbin mutters, warmth blooming all the way up his neck. “Don’t you think I might just be afraid of the needles?”

Hakyeon shifts his gaze from Hongbin to Sanghyuk. “He’s also under the delusion that he’s,” he smirks, making an air quote, “ _not that pretty_. But we all know it’s bullshit.”

Hongbin doesn’t reply, mostly because he’s been in that argument too many times, but also because of the photo he’s looking at – Jaehwan’s naked shoulder adorned with a lyrical treble clef. It feels like it’s been ages, but the twinge in his chest reminds him that it hasn’t healed, far from it.

“Ah, my best work,” Hakyeon sighs, letting go of Hongbin slowly. It’ll be the first time he ever really talks about Jaehwan, and Hongbin’s unsure if it’s a good or a bad thing. “Did you see the news?” he asks after a pregnant silence that results in Sanghyuk slinking away into the break room.

“Yeah,” Hongbin nods, still staring at the photo he snapped. He hasn’t even told Hakyeon about the kiss they shared at the photo shoot. He wonders if Jaehwan did. He wonders if Jaehwan talks about him with Hakyeon. He wonders if Jaehwan thinks about him at all. “He looked good.”

Hakyeon clears his throat, fiddling with the folded cuffs of his shirt. “Well, he has to. It’s sort of expected of him, right?”

Hongbin exhales shakily, his thorax icy cold. “I guess. It’s fine, though. I’m glad for him.”

Hakyeon looks like he’s about to burst out screaming _no, you’re not, you liar!_ , but he reigns it in, bottom lip bitten shut. He reaches out, rubs a circle against Hongbin’s back, and doesn’t say a word.

Hongbin thinks he’d feel much better if he’d been screamed at instead.

 

.

 

It doesn’t get better with time, not really. Not that Hongbin expects that it would. Jaehwan’s incredible, so it’s no surprise how quickly the masses fall for him, articles on his immaculate vocals just as many as the times Hongbin’s heard his song in stores and on taxi rides. Hongbin almost secretly keeps up with his news, but every time he comes across Jaehwan on the TV he still changes the channel, still feels the pinprick of guilt for letting go too easily. 

Which is how he finds himself on a Saturday afternoon, staring blankly at the screen as he avoids the only channel he knows what’s on. It’s nearly the end of Jaehwan’s promotion period, he thinks, just a few more days to go before he can breathe again. The voice in the back of his head that sounds suspiciously like Hakyeon snorts: _what a joke_.

The guy on screen is talking a mile a minute, trying his hardest to convince Hongbin that he needs this miracle mop to reach all those tricky spaces in his house. He blinks, and it’s a different person, a lady talking about the best non-stick frying pan he can ever own, and a glance at his watch tells him that it’s been twenty minutes since the start of the broadcast. A tiny shred of him believes it’s over, that it’s safe to change the channel. He does, even though he knows it’s not true, and lands on the end of Jaehwan’s performance, the remnants of his sweet voice like a hit of something addictive. He loosens his grip on the mic, smiles warmly at the audience, and takes a seat next to the host.

Hongbin watches, drinking in Jaehwan’s voice, the way he words his answers, his tiny embarrased laugh, the glint in his eyes as they talk about his music. His heart swells and Hongbin thinks at one point that his chest can’t contain it anymore, then the host leans forward, asking in an almost secretive tone.

_So who was it that inspired you? Who allowed you to sound so heartbroken and hopeful and gorgeous?_

Jaehwan blushes, a coy tilt to his smile, and takes a moment to reply. Hongbin sees it, the melancholy glazing his eyes, but he covers it up quick, lips pursed before he speaks.

“It’s the same old cliché, I’m afraid. You spent half of your life picturing this perfect person to – ah, to complete you, and you collect these pieces of what they’re like: the angle of their smile, their scent, the feel of their hands in yours, the way you fit around each other—” Jaehwan pauses, head ducked shyly as the crowd coos at him. “And I made it. I had all the puzzle pieces. I found him. But the pieces didn’t fit quite right. It happens, and maybe I should’ve fought harder for it, but I didn’t. I’m still hoping, though. Still hoping that he’ll hear it in my voice and in my songs, and that we can work on that picture again someday, together.”

The host’s response is lost to Hongbin’s ears, as does the applause and cheers of the audience, his entire being focused on the little nods Jaehwan gives on screen, the sound of his own pounding heart, the blood rushing in his ears. There’s an entirely different artist next to the host when he manages to gather himself, and the hollow inside him cracks open wider at the lack of Jaehwan.

 

.

 

It takes him an hour in the terrible Saturday traffic and his mother’s flashy sedan to get to the VE office. Once he’s standing in front of it, the building too tall and too dark, he’s suddenly struck clueless, not knowing why he’s there in the first place. He needs to see Jaehwan, no two ways about it, but he’s not sure if he even _should_. 

That predicament is taken out of his hands when he steps into the lobby and a familiar voice calls out to him, followed by a cordial wave and smile. Wonshik has his assistant with him, holding onto his phone and briefcase, official-looking and yet he slows down to greet Hongbin properly, ignoring the grimace on the other guy’s face. 

“How have you been?” 

Hongbin smiles in return, trying not to let his nerves show. In reality, his voice comes out a bit strangled, a lot shaken. “I’ve been – fine. I never really got to say, you know, I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Wonshik shrugs, palms raised up in a show of peace. “I overreacted, really. It kills me that it feels like we can’t still be friends, after.”

“We can,” Hongbin quickly assures him. “I mean, if you want to, we can. I’d like that.”

“Alright, cool,” Wonshik grins. His assistant looks like he’s a second away from dragging him away by the collar. “He’s in the studio, by the way. Practice room B.”

Hongbin’s face heats up. It suddenly feels stupid to be here, no matter the reason. “Sorry, I – I’m. I have to see him, but I don’t even really have his number, so.”

It’s a weak excuse, because he can always ask for it from Hakyeon, but Wonshik doesn’t look amused or irritated by it, only understanding. “I take it you saw the interview,” he guesses, holding Hongbin’s gaze. “That hyung has got some balls!”

They both laugh at that, and if the assistant is not frazzled over a missed meeting, he might’ve been laughing as well. So Hongbin excuses himself, but turns around when Wonshik calls him again. 

“He might look okay, but don’t let that fool you. He’s miserable, and he misses you a lot.”

Hongbin sincerely thanks him, and with an exchange of waves, strides to the elevator, heart racing and head spinning.

 

.

 

People passing by don’t really give him any attention except to glance down at the guest pass he’s wearing around his neck. Hongbin puts on what he thinks is the most non-threatening face ever and slowly makes his way to Practice Room B, still debating on what to say. In the end, it doesn’t really matter.

He finds Jaehwan sleeping at the coffee table: back against the couch, head pillowed on folded arms and scattered music notes, legs neatly crossed underneath. Hongbin’s heart flutters at the sight, the longing churning at the pit of his stomach as he watches Jaehwan’s soft face and gentle breathing. Very quietly, he kneels down, and Jaehwan must be a light sleeper, because he stirs and opens his eyes.

“Didn’t mean to wake you, sorry,” Hongbin whispers.

Jaehwan blinks, squeezing his eyes shut and opening them again, cheeks ruddy from sleep. “Hongbin? What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t sound angry or upset, just genuinely baffled, and Hongbin breathes a sigh of relief. “Came to see you.”

He doesn’t ask why, just stares at Hongbin’s face for a couple of seconds before groaning, mortified, and burying his face in the crook of his arm again. “You saw the interview,” he mumbles.

“Yes, I did,” Hongbin chuckles, courageously bumping their sides together.

Jaehwan lifts his head, eyes wide with trepidation. “That was terribly stupid, wasn’t it? I didn’t even check with the company before saying all those things. It could’ve been a disaster.”

Hongbin pretends to think about it before giving in to Jaehwan’s bitten bottom lip and dewy eyes, shrugging lightly. “At least I don’t think the president minded.”

“You saw Wonshik?”

Hongbin nods, resting his head on his knee just to meet Jaehwan’s gaze. “Downstairs. How are – are you guys okay?”

Jaehwan finally smiles. “Yeah. We apologized to each other and I let him win at Mario Kart for once, shared a six pack, and he made me promise not to do anything so dumb ever again.”

“So…you promised?”

Jaehwan lets out a little laugh, the tips of his ears pinking. “I promised,” he says softly, peeking at Hongbin from underneath heavy lashes. “Listen, I really am sorry for not fighting harder. You mean a lot to me, and I should’ve—” 

“We both should have,” Hongbin interrupts. “And I want to, now. I’ll fight if I have to.”

Jaehwan’s silent again, his gaze never leaving Hongbin’s. His hand comes up to cup Hongbin’s face, and Hongbin leans into it, the warm touch making him sigh. Jaehwan’s lips descend on his parted ones, slow and cautious. Jaehwan tastes like the flat soda he’s probably been drinking – sticky sweet, and Hongbin opens further, deepening the kiss. It’s the polar opposite of their first kiss: languid and sweet, just the both of them wanting to stay in the moment for as long as they can.

There’s a short, sharp knock on the door then a guy in a VIXX Ent. hoodie and dark-washed jeans barges in, mouth half-opened to say something. Jaehwan and Hongbin freeze, hands on each other’s necks, noses brushing, before Jaehwan pulls back, face crimson. 

“Uh. Sorry, hyung,” he says frantically. “This is Hongbin. Um, this is…manager hyung.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Hongbin says just to break the awkward silence, waving inanely.

“So,” Jaehwan exclaims, jumping to his feet and taking Hongbin’s wrist with him. “I’m done for the day, hyung. I’ll get dinner on my own and I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

The manager nods weakly, trying not to stare at how their fingers are intertwined. “Okay. Just, uh – remember you have that meeting early tomorrow morning.”

Hongbin nearly chokes on his own spit at the raised eyebrow and the meaningful look, but Jaehwan replies with an upbeat _yeah, okay!_ and tugs him away before any of it can sink in.

 

.

 

It’s nice and cool in Jaehwan’s apartment. They have been curled up on the couch for hours, necking like a couple of school kids, the large pizza left cold on the small coffee table. It’s amazing, Hongbin thinks, how much he’s learned about them ever since he agreed to come here. Like how their mouths slot against each other like key to a lock, or how Jaehwan makes the sexiest noises when Hongbin nibbles on his lips, or how the length of their bodies align in a way that’s perfect when Hongbin trails down to mouth at Jaehwan’s smooth, graceful neck. 

Jaehwan’s lips are swollen, dark red, matching the bruises all over his neck and collarbones and Hongbin can’t stop staring at him. He will have to wear something to cover up all the marks tomorrow, but from the way he whimpers and moans, Hongbin doesn’t think he minds much. They’re both hard, neither wanting to finish this, and Hongbin’s sure he won’t be able to stop if they keep doing it much longer.

“Maybe I should go now,” he pants, voice hoarse from disuse. Jaehwan hums and gnaws at the angle of his jaw teasingly. “ _Ah_ \- I mean, you’re gonna need to be up early for your meeting.” 

Jaehwan makes a whining noise in the back of his throat, but stops licking at Hongbin’s skin long enough to talk to him. “Are you sure? You can totally crash here.”

Hongbin laughs, angling his hips away from Jaehwan’s. “Um, no. I don’t think we’ll be sleeping anytime soon if I stay here.”

Jaehwan’s lip juts out in a pout, and Hongbin can feel his resolve crumbling down. “Fine, party pooper. But at least eat some pizza before you leave.”

“Okay,” Hongbin relents, sitting up so Jaehwan can grab plates and glasses from the kitchen. “But no more making out. I mean it.”

Jaehwan pulls a face, and Hongbin knows this is how it’s going to be from now on – he’s fallen in love with an aegyo monster. “Pfft, whatever. See if you can resist my manly charms.”

Hongbin takes a slice of pizza and hides his grin behind it before they settle down side by side, kneecaps touching, eating in a comfortable quietness. And if Hongbin starts kissing Jaehwan, licking into his mouth over and over, standing at the doorway like he can’t bear to leave, well, so sue him.

 

.

 

“Spare me the details, but tell me everything.”

“What the hell, Wonshik,” Jaehwan laughs. “You’re not making any sense.”

“You guys are on a date, aren’t you?” Wonshik’s deep voice comes off suspicious from the phone’s speaker. “Leave out all the dirty stuff and just tell me what you’re doing.”

Jaehwan passes Hongbin an amused look, tossing his game controller to the side. “Why? God, Wonshik. You’re so weird.”

There’s an obviously fake sob coming from Jaehwan’s phone. “I’m so bored. I don’t have many friends. Let me live vicariously through you guys.”

“Boo hoo,” Jaehwan taunts. “Poor rich dude with a multibillion dollar company.”

“There is no dirty stuff going on,” Hongbin assures, elbowing Jaehwan’s side. “We’re just playing some video games.”

Wonshik scoffs. “You guys are no fun. I’m hanging up.”

“Oh, thank god,” Jaehwan cries, arms raised high, smiling at Hongbin’s grin. 

“Let’s go out to eat sometime,” Wonshik suggests. “Have fun, kids.”

Jaehwan ends the call with a curt goodbye and picks his controller back up, unpausing the game. Hongbin suffers through three defeats before giving up, grasping the front of Jaehwan’s shirt and pulling him in. They’re in a tangled heap at the bottom of the couch in no time at all, giggling and kissing happily, Jaehwan laughing into Hongbin’s mouth when he fails to undress him.

“I missed your showcase,” Hongbin says, squirming at Jaehwan’s fingernails drawing lazy circles into his stomach. “Can you do a repeat performance for me?”

Jaehwan smirks, pressing his lips against the furl of Hongbin’s ear. “Is this your thing? Is it gonna be our form of foreplay or something?”

Hongbin swats at his chest, scooting away just to fit his head in the crook of Jaehwan’s neck. “Come on, I wanna hear you sing.”

Jaehwan tickles his nape just to see him writhe, and starts humming a tune. The song starts slow, Jaehwan’s lovely voice carrying through the whole apartment, and by the time it starts to build up Hongbin’s starting to doze off, the vibration in Jaehwan’s chest lulling him. Jaehwan finishes with a fancy riff, pressing a kiss to Hongbin’s brow as he does.

Hongbin hums, inhaling deep – Jaehwan still smelling like lemon soap and a signature scent, and burrows even deeper against his body. “I love you.”

It’s out before Hongbin realizes it. His eyes fly open and Jaehwan’s looking at him, lips curling gently into an awed smile. He kisses Hongbin, then, hard and desperate. Hongbin’s woozy by the time it ends, trying to catch his breath only to lose it again in the next moment. “I love you, too.”

The color high on Jaehwan’s cheeks and the way he’s chewing his bottom lip are enough to haul Hongbin forward, nuzzling into the perfect space beneath his chin. They stay like that for a while, embracing each other, before Jaehwan drags him to his feet and walks him to the bedroom. Hongbin stops at the foot of the bed, watching Jaehwan watching him strip, only pausing to get them even. Jaehwan’s shirt comes off quick, and he kicks his shorts off not a second later, and he’s standing in front of Hongbin, bare and beautiful. Hongbin says as much, just to watch him blush harder.

Jaehwan reaches him in two long strides, palming his face to tilt it up, pupils blown. “Tell me what you want.”

Hongbin trembles, equal parts aroused and shy, eyelids fluttering shut. He swallows tightly, hoping his voice will carry over. “Wanna come – want to come with you inside me.”

Jaehwan curses softly, smashing their mouths together and pushing Hongbin onto the bed, his body a welcomed weight on top. Jaehwan wastes no time, mouthing down his throat, hand already circling Hongbin’s weeping cock. Jaehwan’s fingers wrap around his length and Hongbin moans, head thrown back, stomach quivering underneath Jaehwan’s lips and tongue. Jaehwan noses around his navel, teasing, before he latches onto Hongbin’s dick. Hongbin fists the sheets at his sides, trying his hardest not to buck upwards as heat and wetness envelop him. Jaehwan sucks hard and fast, just enough to drive Hongbin crazy, then he’s off the bed and digging through the bedside drawer.

Hongbin replaces Jaehwan’s mouth with his own hand, forced to squeeze the base to keep from coming, struggling to breathe through the thick haze of lust. Jaehwan greets him with a kiss when he returns, so soft and sweet, belying the way his slicked up fingers are already tracing around Hongbin’s entrance. Hongbin gasps at the sudden intrusion, but his legs fall apart automatically, returning Jaehwan’s kiss with identical fervor. Jaehwan opens him up with two then three digits, quick and practiced, muttering words of praises about how amazing Hongbin is, how much he wants to be inside Hongbin, how insane Hongbin’s making him feel. They’re both done taking it slow, silently agreeing that gentle and careful is for some other time, Hongbin’s knees bracketing Jaehwan’s hips just right. Jaehwan’s tongue tip peeks out the side of his mouth as he concentrates on rolling on the condom, and Hongbin laughs at him, smitten, only to choke on his next breath as Jaehwan fucks into him in one fluid thrust.

They pause, staring at each other as their breathing even out, then Jaehwan holds Hongbin’s thighs up and back, and starts screwing him. Every sound that comes out of Hongbin is punctuated with a short, sharp thrust, and he’s reduced to a whimpering mess, sobbing Jaehwan’s name again and again. Jaehwan’s bottom lip is trapped between his teeth, hips rolling ceaselessly, determined to keep his orgasm at bay. Hongbin’s painfully hard, cock drooling sticky precome all over his belly, and he unfurls the fingers clutching at Jaehwan’s forearm to jerk himself off. Jaehwan groans and swats his hand away, pinning it to the bed, all the while shifting angles to search for that elusive sweet spot. 

“You’ll come just from me fucking you,” Jaehwan breathes, low and sexy.

Hongbin jerks, meeting a thrust halfway, and the change in position results in Jaehwan ramming into his prostate directly. Hongbin lets out a breathless cry, back bowing from the intense sensation, and Jaehwan responds similarly, moaning as he keeps rocking in and out. Their eyes meet and Jaehwan curses again, bending forward to kiss him, and Hongbin comes like that – cock trapped between their stomachs, breath hitching as Jaehwan sucks on his bottom lip. It takes Jaehwan a few more shoves to finish, a choked out moan and Hongbin’s name as he seizes up, pulsing inside of Hongbin. Jaehwan eases out gently, pressing his mouth to Hongbin’s and then the spot right above his heart, eyes half-lidded. He leaves Hongbin again to grab a wash cloth, cleaning them both up, stealing kisses and grinning as he does so. 

Hongbin’s heart is still skittering in his chest as they settle down in bed, Hongbin’s back to Jaehwan’s chest, but sleep starts taking over when Jaehwan scratches at his belly, breath damp and hot against Hongbin’s neck. Jaehwan buries his nose in the niche behind Hongbin’s ear, fingers finally stilled, and Hongbin turns in his arms, stupidly missing him again. Jaehwan’s smiling that trademark wonderful smile that’s infectious, and Hongbin smiles back, carding his hand through the mess of Jaehwan’s hair. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy, and then Jaehwan nuzzles closer, and their bodies slot into each other and it’s unimaginably perfect.

 

.

 

Hongbin wakes with a pleasurable sore all over his body. The sheets are cold, but it smells of lemon soap and feels like silk, and Hongbin can’t help but smile to himself. It’s late morning as much as he can tell from the slant of the sunlight through the curtains, and if a certain somebody is next to him, he’d consider staying in bed all day. He stumbles out of the bedroom to see Jaehwan sitting against the couch, shirtless and strumming on a guitar – the picture of allure. He doesn’t look up when Hongbin plops down on the other end, not deterred from playing, but he makes a small, satisfied noise when Hongbin stretches across and leans down to whisper good morning.

Encouraged, Hongbin presses his lips against the freckle adorning Jaehwan’s neck, trailing kisses down the breadth of his bare shoulder. Jaehwan tilts his head left, pleased, as Hongbin pauses near his tattoo, studying it up close.

_I shall wait for the final piece of me that is you; until heaven comes; until you._

Jaehwan bucks and hisses when Hongbin’s sharp teeth graze the dainty treble clef, but doesn’t pull away. Hongbin feels flushed all over, the adoration crashing over him like a tidal wave, and that’s when Jaehwan stops to look back at him. He doesn’t say a word, a fond smile across his handsome face, and kisses the spot where Hongbin’s dimple curves in. They stay like that for hours, Hongbin hooking his chin over Jaehwan’s shoulder as he sings to him half-finished songs and works he’s abandoned, stealing kisses whenever they can. 

Hongbin might have to tell Jaehwan how he falls for him even before they met, someday. For now, he thinks he’s just going to let Jaehwan know how thankful he is that they found each other, how much he loves him, in this moment, and most possibly for eternity.

And so he does.


End file.
